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He’s the doorman you’ll see at 80W80 from one until midnight. He’s been there for eighteen years and has seen a lot of changes—especially since DEWITT KENSINGTON bought the place. The only ‘original’ tenants are MRS. ZAPLINSKI, MADELEINE CRANE and AZAZEL BRAUNSTEIN.
He loves his job and he likes most of the tenants—even the ones that he doesn’t like, he at least finds amusing. He keeps a notebook (and now sends out tweets) about their comings and goings. His wife, DONNA really enjoys reading them. She feels like she actually knows everybody in the building.
Stanley doesn’t get along with Walter, the morning doorman. It’s not because Walter’s a Dominican—he doesn’t give a darn about where anybody’s from. It’s because Walter slept with the wife of the New York Ranger’s goalie who lives in the penthouse. He has no use for the ‘hockey slut’ (as he calls her) either—but sleeping with a tenant is immoral and inexcusable. Walter is a disgrace to the doorman’s uniform.
There’s one thing that many people find annoying about Stanley is that he says things twice. He’s been doing it since he was fourteen when a cab driver he met (who did the same thing) told him, “Nobody really listens to what you say the first time you say it, so you have to repeat it, got to repeat it.”
Stanley doesn’t do this when he writes in his 80W80 notebook or when he tweets.
At ninety-three, she’s the oldest tenant at 80W80.
Her husband, Al invented the Post-it Note and when he died twenty-two years ago, he left her enough money to live more-than-comfortably for the rest of her life. Mrs. Zaplinski doesn’t need much though; her apartment is one of three rent controls in the building. Her biggest expense is her companion JAYNE’S salary.
She’s a lavish tipper as well—and is especially generous to STANLEY, the doorman. STANLEY in turn feeds ‘Mrs. Z’ choice bits of gossip about everybody else in the building. One of her great joys is knowing what her neighbors are up to—especially that MADELEINE CRANE—who’s lived in the building as long as Mrs. Zaplinski has.
She also loves her daily walks in Central Park. She and JAYNE take a cab there even though it’s only three blocks away. It’s irritating—and dangerous—to navigate the sidewalks—what with all those skateboarders and college students asking if you have a moment for Greenpeace—when you have a walker.
Mrs. Zaplinski’s walker has tennis balls on the legs, so they won’t scuff her floors.
You know him, we all know him—even if you don’t listen to Shattered Egg’s music.
Bongo (real name Howard Manspeaker) started Shattered Egg in Williamsburg, Brooklyn when he was living with VALERIE. The band got their big break when “Portraits of Power” was included on the soundtrack of the film Coney Island Goldfish. Now you can’t pick up a newspaper or magazine without seeing his face.
Besides writing and performing, Bongo stays busy doing charity work. His mission is to save the universe—especially the starving in the Third World. At one point, he was set to buy a small country in Africa, build a factory and give the entire population jobs making T-shirts with clever phases on them that would be sold at select stores in the US.
The deal fell through when Bongo was caught snorting coke with an underage girl in the trendy TriBeCa restaurant G.E.L.
Bongo likes his cocaine and he likes his women and he likes his 15 million dollar apartment in the Beresford.